Rebecca
Oh it’s good to live in New York in December. The Bergdorf windows, Carol of the Bells at Saks, the Angel Tree at the Met, gawdy boughs on the Harry Winston doorway and that hideous bow on the Cartier store.
And so right now I’m particularly sensitive to a sad conversation that happens a lot here. “How long are you staying?” we say. Ask Louise or Lisa: it’s a fabulous place to live, but more likely than not, you can’t stay. You stop affording it, you grow out of its apartments, your feet start to hurt. Perhaps it’s that you catch the underside of Frank’s ditty: it’s hard to make it here.
So we come for a couple of years to start our careers and then something pushes us out. My in-laws came to church with us this fall. They laughed. “It’s a half-step away from a single’s ward,” they said. True, we’re young, but you should hear us on congregational hymns!
It’s lame, this knowing we won’t always be here. In the past six months, two of my best friends moved away from me. Yesterday, a friend emailed me a picture of Adelaide in nursery with all of her little friends. I got a little teary looking at it, because more or less, every one in that picture is on their way out.
Friday night, we sat around with friends who are as good as gone (“one year tops,” she said), and he lamented that on his last visit to Utah he went to church in a ward where the congregation didn’t really sing the hymns. “I wanted to be back in Harlem,” he said. “I can sing out in Harlem.”
It was bad timing for his comment, because the next night was the New York Stake Christmas Concert. Adelaide sat on my lap, perfectly still, for over an hour (beating out her old record by 57 minutes). She was transfixed, holding her hands in the ready position to clap.
The kids from the Spanish ward put on sombreros and sang Nino Lindo, and Marie Adele McArthur sang In the Bleak Midwinter with her teenage son. Her voice was perfect, and I think she had her hand on the back of his elbow. His voice was off just enough to make it one of the greatest performances I’ve ever seen. And then Levi sang I wonder as I wander and even though I know it shouldn’t be the reason I’m in love with him…
And then the congregation sang Joy to the World. And D. Fletcher was at the organ and when D. Fletcher is at the organ…
So I spent Saturday night singing as loud as I could and unable to hear myself. Tears were streaming down my face and my heart hurt because honestly, do they sing like this anywhere else?
The Apron Stage 
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December 9, 2009 at 4:41 am
Adam Findley
Our bishop just moved in from New Jersey, nearby NY to the bay area. On his first day he couldn’t get over how amazing our singing was here. I hadn’t really thought much of it, I just thought we had the normal assortment of talented and untalented, but apparently it’s night and day compared to other places.
I’ve never fallen so recklessly or madly in love as I have with NYC and I only spent a week there. Every picture makes me ache to return. And it sounds like I’m writing like Stephanie Meyer, so I might as well just post this NYC, Stephanie Meyer and singles wards inspired video: http://vimeo.com/8009598
December 9, 2009 at 7:05 am
Monica Rich
They definitely don’t on Long Island.
December 9, 2009 at 7:25 am
sarahlolson
Wow. Best argument for NYC living that I’ve ever heard.
I’m singing out this Sunday for sure. DC, meet the NYC in my heart.
December 9, 2009 at 7:44 am
Brohammas
I love where I live. Yards are overrated, but friends are not.
We are overpopulated with students. These are great people who come with a predetermined expiration date and after five years cycling through relationships, you get tired.
Where is the motivation to make new friends when you know they are leaving? You end up in a city of millions and feeling lonely.
December 9, 2009 at 8:19 am
living in zion
Rebecca,
I love the way you write about NYC. I have never been to NYC and don’t forsee a trip there in my near lifetime. The only thing I know about NYC comes from tv. Your posts and pictures are great because they are a beautiful antidote for a steady diet of Law & Order.
In the Mid -West church congregations mumble. When the occasional visitor or new move-in makes the social gaffe of singing loud and clear, we all swing around and stare as if they were a 2 year-old throwing a tantrum that must be silenced. They get the message and we all politely return to our general hum of collective worship.
December 9, 2009 at 8:30 am
Abbie White
That really was the most amazing Stake Christmas convert I’ve ever been to! I still can’t believe the talent in our ward/stake. AMAZING!! Every Sunday I weep with every Hymn. It’s just beautiful. What an amazing place to live, even if it’s short term. I know that living here will change me forever and I love that. Even on my I-hate-NY days (carrying a double stroller up and down subway stairs makes my back hurt just a bit), I still can see that there is no better way to spend 4,6,8 years. It’s just a magical place!
So, that was Levi? Very talented man. We should hang out. My good friend Angie Harding is in your ward.
December 9, 2009 at 9:01 am
Julie
South Africa – they sing like that in parts of South Africa
December 9, 2009 at 9:28 am
margy
amen. exactly how i feel about this season in this city. as always, you capture it beautifully. and levi and addy really were awesome at the concert.
December 9, 2009 at 9:45 am
Christian Bell
My brother and everyone else I know who lives or has lived in NY seem to have a true love-hate relationship with it.
I lived there for a while (I visited for 4 days but telling people I lived there sounds fancier) and I was struck by the magic of the place, but also by it’s universally unrivaled inconveniences and expense.
You should consider New Mexico as an alternative: not as depressing as people think. That’s my sales pitch.
December 9, 2009 at 9:52 am
jenny
I went to Sacrament meeting in NYC last fall. The music director had to have been an operatic singer. The congregation was good, but she sang out over the rest of us; we were like her back-up singers. At the end of each song, I kid you not, she gave a modest little bow.
It was fantastic.
I love New York.
December 9, 2009 at 10:14 am
Sara
Bloomington, Indiana — IU has one of the best music departments around!
December 9, 2009 at 10:20 am
Holly
Nobody sings like New York sings, and nobody performs like New York performs. Anyone remember the Stake Messiah Sing-Along? You know, just your standard stake Christmas concert. The choir was, well, as you would expect. D. Fletcher was at the organ. There was a stake orchestra. Chris Craans, Ph.D. in orchestral conducting, led the orchestra and choir and soloists. There was a different soloist for each solo, because there are just that many operatic sopranos in the stake. And mezzos. And tenors. And baritones.
The rest of us joined with the choir. We sat in sections in the chapel, with accomplished accompanists (most of whom have advance degrees in piano accompaniment) at practice pianos at the back of the chapel to help us find our parts. I was sitting next to the woman who was currently playing the role of Christine in Phantom of the Opera. She kept me in tune quite nicely. We sang our hearts and voices out until they were raw and we were all squirting tears.
But that was only the first half! After a brief intermission, we all turned around to the gym to hear a jazz band perform Christmas carols (because we can pull together a jazz band in the stake).
(Here’s my post-New York sales pitch. The Salt Lake Bonneville Stake has a stake orchestra that can give New York a run for its money. They perform a half hour concert before each stake conference, and then accompany the choir, organ, and congregation in all the hymns. They also perform a sunset concert each August on the incomparable grounds of the Garden Park ward building. So when life gets complicated and expensive and cramped and sore, and you have a longing for mountains, there’s a home for you in the Bonneville stake.)
December 9, 2009 at 10:42 am
Michaela
I have never lived in NY- but here’s to the wards people move to and move out of a few years later. I know Mormons are very mobile all over the world, but I grew up in a ward with a very high turnover. I grew up watching people come and go, never putting down solid roots, never really ceasing to compare you to the ward they just came from, and the ward they would be going back to in a year. While I usually felt the sting of that comparison, being what seemed like the one family that was there for good because we loved it, I also grew to cherish any bittersweet friendship while it lasted. And I learned to make every place I moved the best place to be, to love it for its differences. Here’s to wards that teach us patience and love.
December 9, 2009 at 11:04 am
Angie
Sigh. Oh how I love the talent in New York. It made me feel beautiful and powerful just being a spectator.
Here in Tampa I am the the only one to carry the alto in our ward, and I don’t even sing.
December 9, 2009 at 11:09 am
Lisa
The Dahlem Ward in the Berlin Germany Stake love the hymns of Zion. They sing with their souls. Imagine 200 President Uchtdorfs singing Called to Serve. Goosebumps every time. And the Christmas hymns! I miss that ward.
December 9, 2009 at 11:14 am
Macy
I really should drive down for that concert. I would have loved to hear Marie. She’s a goddess. And D. Fletcher’s music is a huge part of my Sacrament Meeting performance repertoire, plus we sang his Articles of Faith song cycle in Primary this year. And I guess if I HAD to listen to Levi sing as part of the program, that would be okay too. *grin* Thanks for the recap. What a fabulous evening.
December 9, 2009 at 11:32 am
Levi
Macy, you should have come! The concert was simultaneously a mini-unofficial-Savior of the World-reunion – Christy Turnbow, Norris Chappell, Libby Marshall, Jenny Latimer, me and probably others I’ve didn’t know about – – were all there performing.
Holly, why are musical stakes so expensive to live in? (Sure, we’d LOVE to live on Harvard or Yale – – but if we had that kind of money, we’d stay here in NYC!)
Rebecca, life is so good, isn’t it?!
December 9, 2009 at 11:53 am
angie f
Way out here in Henderson NV we put on a production of Savior of the World each Easter. It takes members from 2-3 stakes to fill the entire cast and choir (more from time commitments than lack of talent). But then Gladys Knight lives one stake over from me and she staffs her Saints United Voices choir from these same stakes. There is major singing at all of our stake conferences.
The ward I grew up in had several members of the Washington National Opera in it. Choir performances were magic. Several children I grew up with have gone on to become professionally trained in opera. Once currently performs with Yanni Voices. That’s suburban Virginia.
My favorite ward singing experience though, was living in the Hyde Park (chicago) ward. The ward itself was so eclectic with U of C students and professors and a large section of economically challenged members. While I was there the ward was also both the ASL and the Spanish designated ward for the stake. My favorite thing was to sing Amazing Grace in sacrament meeting. Wow!
As for living in NYC, I never have. I spent a long girls’ weekend there a few years back where 3 out of the ten of us were expecting our fourth child. And we were all struck by how difficult it would be to have more than 2 children in the city. Expense aside, how do you negotiate busses and subways and city streets and walk up apartments with five kids? As much as I would love city living as an adult, as a mom of 5 kids, I just can’t fathom it. Do any of you NYC-ers do it, or know someone who does?
December 9, 2009 at 11:57 am
Sarah
jenny, the bow. The BOW. I love it.
December 9, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Rachel A.
Maybe in other far-off places they sing out – but not Utah or Arizona. We had our own D. Fletcher in our ward in Boston. Now he’s with the MoTab as the assistant to Mack. I sure hope the old ward is singing out loud and proud and maybe he’s had a new effect on his new ward in Utah. Here in AZ we have just a few of us who sing out and if we’re sitting together it gets a little ridiculous.
December 9, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Kahalia
I too, live in a transient ward. I hate it except for the times that I love it. I don’t keep in contact with everyone I’ve ever loved and lost. It’d be way too much time, trouble, and stress. About one third of our folks are here for 2 years (sans summers) or four.
We love NYC and visit monthly. Why not have us move in with you, then we’d never leave,you’d never leave it’s be perfect. Except for the times when it wouldn’t be.
I do feel for my kindergardener Only one kid remainsfrom her original Nursery class. As you can guess it’s even more difficult to try to keep up with five year olds who’ve moved away. Our only solace is now that she has started school, she will make and remain friends with those in her class (they usually stick around).
December 9, 2009 at 1:23 pm
angie
Living in New York. An experience. Enjoy every second of it and add it to what makes you guys you guys. All things change. I was laying in the bath the other night and I noticed a mole on my stomach that I used to fancy as a beauty mark back in my bikini days. (I know, scandalous.) It was the Marilyn Monroe mole of my unstretch marked, tan stomach. It sounds silly, but I LOVED that mole. Now with babies and bulges and a truly changed body I had forgotten I even had it! I thought, “Huh. Things change.” But now I have different things to to look at. And you will too.
December 9, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Kandie
As someone who loves to sing, but can’t match a note worth beans, may I give a plea to those who can. Please keep singing for the rest of us. When someone sings beautifully and loudly and I am lucky enough to sit close by, then I have the courage to sing loudly also. I can match notes, just not find them:)
As a child I was fortunate to grow up in one of the first married student wards associated with the University of Utah. What power and beauty there was in every hymn! Listening to the beautiful singing was my favorite part of church. I have been fortunate since to mostly live in wards where the singing is beautiful.
However, if you really want hymns sung with strength, feeling, and beauty, you will need to attend church in Wales. There everyone sits together and toward the front, so that the singing sounds right. We could always tell non-Welsh visitors (as in American or English), because they sat to the back or off to the side by themselves. Our branch president was also the music director. He had us stand for nearly every hymn. We willingly complied, because we knew we sounded better.
What a blessing to all of us when those who can sing loudly and in tune, choose to do so. Thank you, all of you.
December 9, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Kathryn
Adam Findley, that was marvelous.
December 9, 2009 at 1:43 pm
emily kate
Thanks, Rebecca. If your goal was to rip out my heart and stomp on it, you have succeeded. We still haven’t “recovered’ from NYC. Maybe one never does? We talk about it daily and how much we wish we could still live there or go back for Jacob’s residency or something. And we’ve many times commented on the sad ward choir in our new ward and how nobody says “good morning” when people say it over the pulpit. Oh it’s just so sad.
December 9, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Traci
I like to hear about exciting new places to live, it gives me hope, my husband and I have lived in Utah 10 out of the last 11 years, we are now standing on the ledge of getting out. I’m both excited and really scared, this post makes me much more excited than scared.
December 9, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Jess
Jenny,
I know which ward you visited. . . .
This post made me tear up a little. Living in New York is like growing up as a youngest child (which I did), with Rebecca in the role of “cool big sister.” Everyone is always leaving.
December 9, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Collette
While never living in New York City to jumpstart a career, I did serve my mission there many (oh so many!) years ago. I happily remember the New York Stake Christmas Concert. I was blown away and will never be satisfied by another stake’s measly attempt.
New York is just as magical at Christmastime as it looks in the movies. Every year I try to convince my family to do a destination Christmas in NYC and they never buy it. They don’t know what they’re missing.
So, yes, New York has high turnover – but think of how many of us bear the cross of seeing the perfect Christmas fireside and never getting to revisit it. It’s really quite tragic.
December 9, 2009 at 2:27 pm
lisapiorczynski
Jess,
Brilliant NYC analogy. YES. That’s exactly it.
Bex,
This was beautiful. One of my favorites of yours.
December 9, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Rachel
Oh, this makes me wish I were in NYC! I’ve never experienced a NYC Christmas. It sounds magical. And speaking of hymns/singing in tune, I’ve never heard a more off-key bunch of singers than at a tiny branch in Romania. But, it was still one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard.
December 9, 2009 at 4:09 pm
M
I’m in a singles ward in D.C. and everyone sings. I hate going home to my family’s ward because no one sings at all and no one is friendly. People have lived there forever (generations, at least), but if you didn’t grow up there, you don’t fit it. I think transient places are great. They force us to get out of our comfort zones whether we are the ones staying or leaving. If nothing changes, we never grow.
December 9, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Margie
I sing loud wherever I go. I’m not great but, I sing out.
December 9, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Monica Rich
Fiji! They sing like that in Fiji. Adding harmonies you never knew could exist. Oh, how I miss the South Pacific…
December 9, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Carole
Maybe everyone feels this way about their missions, but when I read your post, I thought “Germany! They sing like that in Germany!” I think every ward I served in had at least one professional musician. And one of the stakes I served in put on an annual production of The Magic Flute.
I also sing loud no matter what part of the country I’m in. When people turn around and stare, I assume they’re staring with admiration. “Look at that girl!” I imagine them thinking, “Look at what a joyful noise she’s making!”
December 9, 2009 at 10:02 pm
amanda
I LOVE D. Fletcher. Every Sunday we feel like we are singing as part of the Mormon Tab choir. key changes, flourishes, and man. we sing like we mean it. (the organ and opera singers drown out the out of tune parts).
December 9, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Louise Plummer
I love that bow. Love love love it. I love gaudy, and overdone and excess and expensive and all the-show-must-go-on type of behavior. I love New York with all my heart. I don’t think I’m finished with it.
Thank heaven, I’m going there for the holidays or this post would have made me crazy jealous.
Our ward is a singing ward. And we have a tab choir organist and a fine ward choir.
I lived in Laie, Hawaii one year and that was the best singing ward I’ve ever been in. Inwood 1st Ward had terrific singing (including Adele McArthur).
December 9, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Kaedi
No, Rebecca, they do not sing like that anywhere else. I thought I was finally emergeing from my I-just-left-NYC depression. But then I read this post. Now I need a prozac-drip thankyouverymuch. One of Max’s nurses last night (a spitting image of JonBenet Ramsey as a 20 something – a little creepy, actually) is headed to NY for the first time and asked what she should do there. I think I spoke nonstop for an hour about everything she needs to see, as well as avoid. I got so excited while talking up the city that I completely forgot I had just choked down a hospital dinner tray and was attemping to sleep in a chair all night. I’m calling it the NY placebo effect.
Oh how we miss it there. And the Christmas concert — hands down one of my favs of NY.
December 9, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Kaedi
P.S. Levi, nice to see you on here!
December 10, 2009 at 2:36 am
mikelle
Good timing on this post. Just Sunday I was lamenting to my husband that hardly anyone sings… or says ‘Amen’, for that matter. (After someone’s testimony this Sunday I said ‘Amen’ and my daughter, sitting on my lap, turned to me and said, “Why are you the only one who said ‘Amen’?”)
This year I attended my sister’s ward in D.C. and my in-laws’ ex-patriot branch in Shanghai. In both places I was shocked at how loud the singing was! I am in a wonderful area and ward in Utah, but really, I wish people would SING OUT! I’ve decided to set the example… regardless of how the neighboring pews feel about it.
December 10, 2009 at 9:32 am
Candice Wheeler
You won’t find this kind of singing anywhere else. So the answer is, you should just stay. We’ll make it worth your while. Mark my words.
December 10, 2009 at 9:51 am
heathersjones
oh nyc . . . the city that doesn’t love you back . . . this has been my refrain since leaving. :::sigh::: we all love it for different reasons but we usually leave for the same (money).
there was an essay in the newyorker a decade ago about the ultimate heartbreak of nyc — not being able to afford it — called _my misspent youth_ by meghan daum. she had lofty literary dreams and she writes beautifully about being indifferent to money and simply aiming for “intellectual new york bohemianism.” doesn’t that make you want to smile? but she painfully came to the conclusion that “being a creative person in new york is, in many cases, contingent upon inheriting the means to do it.”
read on: http://tiny.cc/TcTIK
December 10, 2009 at 10:39 am
AMG
We have a opera singer in our ward who sang “Oh Holy Night” at our ward Christmas party. Afterwords, we commented that it was good, but I don’t think I’ll ever hear a rendition as good as Wendy Harmer at the Stake Christmas Concert in NYC. We’ve been gone over 3 years and still miss it. And the music.
December 10, 2009 at 11:38 am
S.A.S.
Tongan branch, Maui Hawaii – all a capella. It won’t be as technically astute but it will astound you and it will be loud. Bore testimony to my soul.
Nowhere will sing like there. Nowhere will be just like that. Nowhere will greet you or slap you or love you or disregard you like This City you’ve grown to love (remember how you had to grow to love it?). But the next place will have other things. I bet wherever you go next you’ll be the one taking why-you’re-welcome bows.
December 10, 2009 at 12:14 pm
mary
Umm, somehow the upper east side ward DOESN’T SING AT ALL! I was shocked to find myself singing in such a thunderous bunch at the stake Christmas concert.
December 10, 2009 at 2:31 pm
JoLyn
I was just in El Salvador – that’s how they sing in Church there too. Their accompaniment was an electric keyboard and a violin. They feel that music with their whole beings. It was amazing to be part of it.
Unfortunately, it’s not that way in Utah. After participating in “real” singing just the week before, I was so disappointed to see the congregation at the First Presidency devotional. We could take a lesson…
December 10, 2009 at 3:24 pm
`Louise Plummer
Yes, I was there when Wendy Harmer sang OH HOLY NIGHT and she got emotional. It was gorgeous musically and spiritually.
December 10, 2009 at 5:02 pm
smylies
Well, I’ve waited too long to weigh back in on all this. But the comments were spot on. I was so, so happy to hear so many people offer up another place. Yes! They sing in Madagascar!!! I knew that–knew that NY isnt the only great place but when you’re feeling in love, it’s hard to imagine loving anyone else, eh?
Oh man. The WEndy Harmer performance. I recently told her that was the musical highlight of my NY experience. She said it was hers too.
December 11, 2009 at 11:07 am
Miggy
Yes this is one of the things I miss most about our NYC ward. There should be an entrance fee at the door for our ward Christmas program.
December 12, 2009 at 12:48 am
hpw
This post made me ache and smile. We left New York 18 months ago and we kept thinking, “we’ll be back.” We had to tell ourselves that or it would have been too hard. But it turns out that once you leave, it’s hard to go back. You become soft. Our dishwasher is running right now, we live close to family, we have a dining room–a dining room!–not to mention Costco. Life is easier/cheaper in other places (even other big cities like Chicago where we moved). But oh how I ache to hear Marie-Adele sing. She really is that good.
December 15, 2009 at 1:58 am
Rachel
I served my mission in Jersey where Adam Findley’s bishop was just recently a high councilor to my favorite ward. I KNOW what the bish is talking about. And our current ward can sing, but nothing to the ghetto. Something about at least ten different, strong accents at once. Different keys. Different tempos. Sounds like completely different songs! But all sung with such conviction and fervor that I keep wanting to go back just for the singing. Then again, Jersey is a suburb to NYC, so maybe it is just that area.