I woke up Thursday morning with a heart on my eyeball. Apparently, I’m that much in love.
Sarah
Manfriend gave me a hot pink Snuggie for Valentine’s Day. This is not a joke.
“But know this,” I said, carrying the hot pink box, which he’d wrapped in a hot pink gift bag with hot pink tissue paper. “When someday I’m wearing it, and you find yourself thinking, ‘Good goo, Sarah does not look attractive right now,’ you need to remember—you bought this for me.”
Fortunately, Manfriend laughed. “I’ll think of you the way men sometimes think of their pregnant wives,” Manfriend said. “’She might not look great, but she’s attractive to me because I did this to her.’”
Manfriend gave me the Snuggie because I hate being cold, it turns out. This is a new phenomenon. I don’t remember in years past making decisions not to do things because they would be cold. Now, it is an almost daily occurrence. For instance, sometimes I do not go into my bedroom. Too cold.
Manfriend also wanted to buy me an electric blanket, about which I had once been wistful. But apparently, the two-week snowpocalypse had depleted northern Virginia’s supply of electric blankets.
Also, snow boots. That’s how I ended up buying overpriced hiking boots (but waterproof! and ankle high!) from REI at 6 pm on Saturday night, an hour after Manfriend was supposed to pick me up for the beginning of our Valentine’s Day celebration. Don’t worry—he was late too. See electric blanket notes above.
And I was totally glad for my waterproof! ankle high! hiking boots when Manfriend and I finally (9:17 pm) hit our Valentine’s Day destination—the Iwo Jima memorial. A picturesque location, totally on the top of a hill and, at present, 100% covered in snow. Which the National Park Service had made no effort to clear away. Also, there was no meaningful light.
As Manfriend led the way through the snow in the dark over the rise, I followed thinking, “He knows I hate to be cold. He knows I hate to be cold.” I tried not to fall. I fell once. Caught myself with one hand in one cotton glove. “Ouch,” I said, louder than I needed to.
Manfriend reached a feline-shaped statue and threw his stuff on the back of the cat. Then he spread a tarp and then a blanket on the snow. “We’re going to eat here!” he said. I looked at the distant lights of the Washington Memorial and the Capitol. The wind made my eyes sting, and I turned away. I put a sweatshirt on over my wool coat.
We sat with our backs against the cat statue. We ate salads we’d gotten take-out from a fancy local restaurant. I put on a second pair of gloves. By the time we made hot chocolate with water Manfriend had boiled at home, it was only warmish chocolate, and the powder stayed filmy and chunky. We stirred our mugs with butter knives. I licked my butter knife clean.
Manfriend and I sat there in the cold, under the blankets he’d brought, over the blankets he’d brought, lit only by the glow of Manfriend’s laptop screen. He’d compiled a playlist, which I noticed he’d titled “Valentine’s Day.” I cradled my Snuggie box in my arms and leaned my head on Manfriend’s shoulder. He leaned his head on mine.
“It’s sort of the theme for the evening,” he said. “I wanted to make you warm. I know you hate to be cold.”
* * * * *
I’ve been trying to figure out what Valentine’s Day means for couples like Manfriend and me who aren’t married and who have decided to save for marriage the vast majority of physical intimacies. What is romance but a warm prelude to fluttering curtains cue the music? What is Valentine’s Day but romance? Is it about telling each other why we love each other? Sounds fun, though (a) frankly, we do that pretty much every day, and (b) it does feel a little narcissistic. I LOVE US.
Is it about gift giving? Like both Christmas and birthdays? Boo.
Is it about chocolate?
Yes.
I don’t have a true answer yet. But as I went to sleep Saturday night, I remember thinking that I had trusted Manfriend to lead the evening. An evening only for me, just for me, for no one else but me. And he had done it.
He had invited me to trust him to love me. I had trusted him, and he’d loved me. Romance = trust validated.
* * * * *
Let’s not pretend I didn’t write this post about Valentine’s Day just so I could put up a picture of my eye with a naturally occurring blood heart in it.
20 comments
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February 15, 2010 at 10:14 am
Sharon
I was asked to speak in church yesterday on the idea of the commandment to love (“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God… and thy neighbor as thyself”) and how it relates to romantic love — to a singles congregation. (?!) I really like your equation there: romance = trust validated. I don’t know if I’m weird for feeling this way, but working trust is extremely romantic to me.
February 15, 2010 at 10:21 am
lisapiorczynski
Sarah,
Sounds like you had a great day.
I think Valentine’s day should be a day to be thoughtful. My favorite Valentine’s tradition is one my friend Nora has with her grandmother. One year, when Nora was a little girl, her grandmother gave her a beautiful wood heart-shaped box. The next year Nora gave it back to her with a little something inside the box. And so the tradition began. They swap every year, finding something small enough to fit in the box to give to each other.
Fantastic, isn’t it? That’s what I think Valentine’s day should be. Not just a day for romance but for thoughtfulness.
February 15, 2010 at 10:35 am
brohammas
Tell manfirend I said “blooooough! cough, cough, blOOOOOUUUUUCHT.”
That story was so deep in cheese I was almost dissapointed it didn’t end with “He totally went to Jared”. He makes us look bad.
I knew I amrried the right woman on the Valentines day she bought me a subscription to ESPN the magazine… Swoon!
February 15, 2010 at 10:42 am
sar
If you wait long enough you can get an electric snuggie.
February 15, 2010 at 10:50 am
lisapiorczynski
sar,
YOU ARE BRILLIANT. Let’s start marketing it now!!!!
February 15, 2010 at 11:10 am
living in zion
Not to diss the romance or the manfriend, who I hold in high regard for having excellent taste in women, but if I wanted to show my love to someone who hates being cold I think I would have gone the opposite direction. Something like a hot sauna, hot rock massage, heated swimming pool etc.
But then again, I am an old fart who forgot it was Valentine’s Day until I saw the ads in Sundays newspaper. Maybe old age and too many years of warmth with the same man have jaded me to the romantic possibilities of suffering.
I do like your eye motif though. Extremely creative and very reflective of your obvious affection for the said manfriend.
February 15, 2010 at 11:14 am
Laura
Tyler and I still talk about how much we love us. We’ve compiled a list of adjectives. We are entertaining. We are active. We are cheerful. We are composed. We are enthusiastic. We are passionate.
That’s what nearly eight years of narcissism will to ya.
February 15, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Journey Beyond Survival
I think someone could probably wire your pink snuggie for you while you wait for Lisa and Sar to finish the prototype. he he.
I think Valentine’s Day is about the relationship. Married couples-ten year + ones-do have the ooh la la factor, but it’s mostly about the relationship.
What you mean to each other. fighting for the remote
What you’ve been through together. 4 door compact 23 miles in Escalante w/out a spare
What you’ve figured out about the other he belches when he has heartburn
February 15, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Meredith
What a sweet date for Valentine’s! My husband and I used to do things like that all the time. I’m always cold too, but for some reason, when we were dating I could eat a cold meal outside in the snow with him and bear it (even enjoy it). Now it takes everything I’ve got not to complain and run to the nearest heat source. I still love him to pieces; I’d just rather eat inside.
February 15, 2010 at 1:40 pm
sarahlolson
Sharon, “working trust is extremely romantic to me” = the sentence I was looking for all night while I was drafting this bad boy. Working trust. Genius. Also, I wish I’d been there for your talk. Awesome.
Lisa, I did. And I like your “thoughtful”ness approach. Maybe I’m just less interested in being thoughtful than I am in being wooed. Being wooed, it turns out, is awesome.
brohammas, for real your comment sort of hurt my feelings. I’ll grant you there’s a fine line between cheese and a nice thing.
sar, the electric snuggie. I’m with Lisa–it IS genius.
living in zion, it was a bold move, I’ll grant you. And I’m pretty sure in future we’ll stick closer to warmth. But know this: He took me outside because I expressed the ridiculous preference of being 100% alone with him on our Valentine’s Day date. He has four roommates; I have four roommates. We live in a crowded city. Where else could we go but out?
Laura, I’m glad to hear it. We statements are great. I feel like it’s more vogue to publicly dis one’s partner than to praise him or her. I like that you guys are going rogue.
Journey Beyond Survival, I’m not sure what you mean by it’s “about the relationship.” Something about coming to know someone better? And celebrating that shared experience/shared understanding/developed relationship? Also “4 door compact 23 miles in Escalante w/out a spare” sounds like a story and a half. I hope it was summer.
Meredith, thank you for the “sweet.” I thought it was sweet too. But mostly I thought it was funny. He did too. We laughed almost the whole time at the ridiculousness of the thing. Also: We left the site early and went home to my house to watch a movie in the warmth of my livingroom (turns out, with my roommate and her boyfriend). And we put hot fudge sauce on our ice cream. Warmth is awesome.
February 15, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Kelly
Valentines Day has always frustrated me just a little bit. I feel like it’s a day when you are compelled to do what you should be doing anyway. I likes Lisa’s comment about being thoughful…. Food for thought. And, I love your date story– Manfriend tried SO hard, and it sounds like a total yardsale a great success all at once. Makes for good pillowtalk in a few years when you’re having one of those conversations where you remind eachorher why and when and where. Those are the best. That’s what we did for Valentines day. And I have to admit, this year I had the best Valentines ever this year. Totally unplanned. Maybe I’ll become a fan.
February 15, 2010 at 2:16 pm
brohammas
Ms. Olsen,
I will not go the John Mayer route of insincere apologies. Let me explain.
There is an unwritten rule in mandom, old as manhood itself, that requires us to ridicule any other man displaying sensative or romantic behavior. The more sensative or romantic the gesture, the more direct and brash the mocking must be.
This serves many purposes. First it isolates and discourages the male in question from displaying or expressing this sort of behavior around the other males. Now all males have a desire to display both thoughtful and romantic behavior, but by his meeting such staunch resistance from the male pack he is driven further into the arms of the appreciative female. The male enjoys that his expressions are appreciated by her as opposed to his pack, and he feels a deeper connection with said female, the only one who appreciates these offerings and he begins to focus these displays only for her, making them much more deeply personal.
Second, these mocking displays offend the female and helps to seperate her manfriend from the rest of the pack in her eyes. She does, and should, appreciate the romantic offering and he is made to look all the more brave and different by his willingness to make such diplays despite the public derision. He is no longer like “all the other males”, is made more special, and she holds onto him a little tighter, and the relationship galvanizing affects of sapy behavior are in fact increased when coupled with outside male mocking. The woman looks at other males less, they are all pigs, she holds her man in higher regard, and he is forever Alpha in her eyes.
So Sarah, you are welcome. My accuations of cheese and questionable spelling of noises, is all part of a bigger process of driving the two of you together.
February 15, 2010 at 2:17 pm
brohammas
Besides, how could ou be too affected by someone who’s spelling and typing are as poor as mine?
February 15, 2010 at 2:39 pm
nakiru
We had our (3rd? 2nd?) 1st Valentine’s day together yesterday.
I’m not a big Valentine’s Day fan. As Kelly said, the idea of being forced to do what you should be doing anyways, or maybe it’s the feeling like your actions are perceived as forced when you’re doing what you should be regardless. But I do love to get a card that has all the things we say spelled out in ink. We’re living on tight respective budgets right now. We exchanged cards, made dinner together and played several games of Settlers of Catan with just the two of us. Then I fell asleep. That was that. (He quietly bowed out and locked the door behind himself.) I have been stressed out/exhausted/working tons of hours lately, and my day was perfect.
And I think that’s the best part. I feel like my day was perfect for me. Sounds like yours was perfect for you. How wonderful that each of our loves can be so individual.
February 15, 2010 at 3:12 pm
living in zion
Sarah,
My husband says don’t believe a word of the malarkey Brohammas is selling. He made it up to explain his insensitivity. My man also says don’t be too hard on him. Guys are poor, pathetic creatures who spend their whole lives trying to curry our favor. It was a just a moment of man silliness.
(I think my guy thought Brohammas was funny, until he got in trouble….)
February 15, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Kelly
Brohammas- that has to be the most impressive piece of backpeddling I have ever seen.
February 15, 2010 at 4:31 pm
sierraeread
I’d love to share about you are recently so cold intolerant. I just learned about it in my endocrinology class last week. Your body is still “opposing” your weight loss causing your metabolism to compensate by being super efficient now. You get more bang for your caloric-buck. Essentially because your metabolism is slower now, you don’t have as much thermic effect as you did before. Isn’t science cool? Overtime you should adjust and hopefully not be so sensitive in the future.
Also, I say huzzah for manfriend. Hopefully he keeps it up. (Or rather, you both keep it up.)
February 15, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Louise Plummer
A heart shape on your eyeball on Valentine’s Day is way cool. I mean, really.
February 16, 2010 at 8:41 am
Marilyn
Sarah, what a charming story of an uber-romantic evening! I totally agree that romance = trust validated. You warmed the cockles of my heart–maybe even toasted them a beautiful golden brown. (What are cockles, anyway?) I completely loved the Valentine’s Day playlist–I can almost hear the laptop-speaker sounds playing thinly in the frosty air. Both Manfriend and Sarah deserve a triple A plus in my book.
March 28, 2010 at 11:23 pm
Jed and Sarah, Plain and Tall « {Beta…}
[…] In the mean time, I kept slipping. Did any of you catch that? I’d write a post about Manfriend, but then half way through I’d say, “Jed bing bong bing,” without realizing I’d done it. […]