Sarah
Note: This post is almost entirely unrelated to Christmas. But it does mention snow, and in the northern hemisphere, the two are frequently related. Yes?
The East Coast was snowed in this weekend, so instead of spending Sunday eating pomegranates, avocados, and grapes with my parents, little sisters, and two younger brothers, I was home in Virginia, listening to church talks and playing hearts with my roommates.
Have you played hearts before? It’s this card game (yes, played with face cards), in which your goal is to get as few points as possible, which means avoiding having the highest card in a trick that also includes hearts. Every heart (and the queen of spades) is worth points; you do not want to collect them. Unless you want to collect ALL of them—in which case you have “shot the moon,” and you get the choice to subtract 26 points from your total point tally or give 26 points to every other person playing. The game ends when someone’s point tally reaches 100. They lose; the person with the fewest points wins.
My roommate Stephanie is obsessed with hearts. “I’ve never been addicted to anything,” she said today. “I’ve never even tried anything really addictive. But I can imagine that the rush I feel when I’m shooting the moon is like the rush someone else feels when they’re shooting up. It’s sensational.”
My roommates like hearts so much, they have at times been unable to decide whether to play hearts or sing karaoke. Unwilling to give up one for the other, they’ve done both. “Karaoke hearts!” they yell, and they pass the microphone around as someone deals another round.
Karaoke Hearts. Manfriend suggested it should be the title of a novel I write about these roommates. I think it’s perfect.
Did you know that it was hearts that brought Manfriend and me together? We met in the fall of 2007, when we were in law schools on our respective coasts. We were members of the same LDS law student national board, and we attended a conference in Utah. In the subsequent two years, we ran into each other here and there. If memory serves, we even played scrabulous on facebook in early 2008. “I hope you kicked my trash,” I told him recently. “No,” he said. “I’m pretty sure you killed me.”
But I hadn’t really seen him with frequency until he moved to DC this last summer, and we started seeing each other at parties. Including, it should be noted, in July at my roommate Jeanette’s 30th birthday party, for which she originally purchased the karaoke machine. “Karaoke birthday!” we yelled. I sang “Don’t Stop Believing” (the Glee version), and Manfriend chatted in the kitchen with his date.
In September, a good (male) friend of mine came with me home to New York. He spent the weekend with my family. He was so good to me—so kind and generous, so complimentary and attentive—that I was sort of giddy after the weekend. “You are the most delightful person I have ever met,” he said to me, as we drove back to DC on Sunday evening. “I spent all weekend with you, and I never saw you do a not-delightful thing.” He dizzied me with his compliments.
So Monday morning rolled around, and I was at work not wanting to work. Just wanting to think about my weekend with my so-generous male friend. Just wanting to think about something that wasn’t work. And I saw Manfriend’s name on my gchat list, and I vaguely recalled my roommates reporting that during the weekend I was away, Stephanie and her boyfriend and Manfriend had all been part of the final four in the annual DC-area LDS singles hearts tournament. I decided not to work but to chat Manfriend and say, “Hey, I heard you rocked some hearts this weekend.”
We started chatting. He asked where I’d been when I wasn’t at the hearts tournament. I told him I had been in NY having a rocktastic weekend. He asked why. And I spent the next ten minutes (gchat tells me) explaining to Manfriend (then, future Manfriend) the nature of the kindness my male friend had showed me. “It’s more like he was paying attention,” I said. “Generously paying attention. He liked the things about me that I like. He gave me credit for the things that make me awesome and didn’t take away points for the things I’m working on.”
Manfriend said (among other astute things), “I love that.” And then he said/gchatted, “Do you want to go out Thursday night?”
Hearts. I love that game.
The Apron Stage 
22 comments
Comments feed for this article
December 21, 2009 at 2:54 am
lisapiorczynski
Great ending. Love your writing, Sarah.
December 21, 2009 at 2:59 am
Adam Findley
I absolutely love the game hearts and that manfriend shot the moon on gchat. I mean, not only did he listen to ten minutes of gushing about how wonderful male friend is, but knew that he could be that rockstar of kindness and followed up with boldness by asking you out. I’m sure it felt *just* like getting high.
December 21, 2009 at 3:23 am
angie
Drat! Now I can’t stop singing “Don’t Stop Believing”!
December 21, 2009 at 9:41 am
Kahalia
What a move- in the hood they call that “Gangsta”.
December 21, 2009 at 10:24 am
AnnaBeth
Manfriend rocks.
December 21, 2009 at 11:56 am
rvs
I love playing hearts. Your analogies are great. Thanks for a great read – and good luck getting to New York!
December 21, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Marilyn
Another great post, Sarah. How have I lived all these barren months and years without my daily dose of Apron String?
Now, please may fly off on a tangent and ask LDS members of the cyber-AS-world if anyone knows of any actual from-the-top counsel in the last 20 or 30 years advising against the use of face cards? I grew up in a game-playing family and married into a game-playing family, and it’s downright charming to discover how many face card games have been converted into Rook card games. I grew up playing “hearts,” which in my family was just as often called “Reds,” where the super-nasty-powerful bad card was the dreaded “black TWELVE!” I must add that none of our converted games involved gambling, which I understood to be one of the reasons we were avoiding face cards. I’m fond of the Rook card substitution games; they’re great for visually oblivious persons like myself who get messed up with clubs and spades.
My kids have received instructions every year before Camp and Youth Conference to bring along card games, but no face cards, please. I happily comply, but my curiosity grows. Any recent data? Other puzzling prohibitions continue to be restated in official instructions, such as discouraging the use of brass instruments in Sacrament Meetings, but I haven’t heard a peep about the face card thing in decades.
And you AS followers who belong to other faith traditions, is this face card thing just a Mormon quirk and the silliest thing you’ve ever heard of, or are there anti-face-card rumblings in your faith communities?
It’s remarkable how curious I am about this issue, considering how little it matters.
December 21, 2009 at 12:24 pm
lisapiorczynski
Marilyn,
I don’t have an answer for you. But my uncle taught me this about the classic deck of cards:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Deck_of_Cards (Skip down to STORY)
(The song turns up on the radio every now and again, too.)
So, I’ve always been a fan of them because they remind me of those Biblical references.
But, yeah, I’d love to hear more from anyone who knows about this.
December 21, 2009 at 12:52 pm
corktree
Hearts rock. And so does this post! (just like Angie, I had to sing it as soon as you said it and now I can’t get rid of it)
December 21, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Katie
I love happy posts on Monday! Thanks!
December 21, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Stephanie
Sarah, you omitted the best part: you won.
It’s true, I do LOVE the game. And I am a reckless Moon Shooter. I will take cards over caffeine and rated R movies anyday.
December 21, 2009 at 3:45 pm
living in zion
Marilyn,
Here is the list of THINGS THAT WILL SEND YOU TO OUTER DARKNESS:
1. Caffeinated soda
2. Wearing flip-flops to girls camp
3. Wearing flip-flops to church
4. Owning face cards
5. Watching soap operas
6. Watching cartoons on Saturday morning
These principals of the Gospel were set down by my Grandmother, who had a living connection to the rule -making Angels in heaven. For all questions regarding Godly living, Grandma had the answers.
December 21, 2009 at 4:35 pm
sarahlolson
Lisa, thank you. You realize–this post (and its Manfriend-heavy content) was largely for you.
Adam, the hearts=game/hearts=love analogies know no end. “Shot the moon.” He totally did. Well said.
Angie, neither can I. And I LOVE IT.
Kahalia, Manfriend will love that he pulled off something gangsta. Via gchat no less.
AnnaBeth, amen. And amen. I’m glad we’re in accord.
rvs, thank you! I’m here now (finally), kicking it up in my sisters’ bedroom, while Rachel studies physics and Joseph sings opera from the blue bathroom. It is, truly, a great world.
Marilyn, I love when/that you comment. Today is no different. A very, very good call re face cards. I have no more info than you do. But I am interested that even you, an inveterate Rook card player, are wondering about the necessity of the face-card ban. I remember when I realized Rook cards really were just like face cards. I felt sort of cheated/cheating. (But then–I do like Rook cards better. You are right. They are less confusing in their cleanliness. And prettier.)
Lis, love that you weighed in on my aunt’s comment. The AS world. It’s literally like heaven.
Corktree, thanksthanks! I’m grateful for your indulgence on this post, which is really super, super focused on me and my world. But Manfriend’s been gone for a week now (he’s already home for the holidays), and I’ve been missing him. And there was something about watching the snow pile up outside our windows, holding a handful of cards, waiting for my next dazzling move–it was a contemplative time. Christmas/winter is good for that. I wonder as I wander sort of thing. Wow. Long comment here. Thanks for indulging that too.
Katie, ah–I hadn’t thought about my role as the kicker-off of the week, and my responsibility (I guess?) to set the tone. Man. I’m sorry for all the downers I’ve written. 🙂 But this IS a happy post. I’m feeling happy. A happy week to all!
Stephanie, it’s true. I did win. IN SO MANY WAYS. But I never shot the moon. That action is too rich for my blood. (I hope that doesn’t say things about my ability to take risks in love.)
Living in zion, I don’t know what to say. Wow. Flip-flops. Saturday morning cartoons. It appears we are in some serious need of Grandma’s guidance. Maybe she would be wiling to guest blog for us? Put us all back on the straight and narrow?
December 21, 2009 at 6:01 pm
nakiru
This was a good day for this. Risks in love. Lovely and appropriate.
December 21, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Nel
I firmly believe that face cards (like so many other things in life) are just what you make of them. If you think they are some devilish thing with secret, evil symbolism, then that is what they will be for you. Conversely, if you give them meaning much in the manner of the soldier in the story mentioned by Lisa, they can be a postive influence for us.
Personally, I love face cards as a simple vehicle for playing fun games! Some of my favorite memories are of card games played with my mother and grandmother. Gram always taught us to “breast your cards” to prevent anyone from cheating by looking over your sholder at your hand and then she would blatantly cheat by searching through the discard pile. Mom and I would play summertime marathon games of rummy 500 or rounds of best-of-3, best-of-5, best-of-however-many-more-games-we-want-to-play Gin Rummy. I have other memories of giant games of Nertz with roommates and friends. I even hauled dozens of card decks to girls camp (first as a camper and then again as a leader) to teach the girls Nertz. We would have games so big that we would have to divide them up.
As for the game of Hearts, I sadly don’t have any metaphoric wisdom to share, though I suppose, just like the card game, it is what we make of it. Oh, but the actual card game? I love to play the spoiler– throwing out points to everyone else, while also preventing anyone from shooting the moon. If only you could hear me, I’m wickedly cackling out loud!
December 21, 2009 at 8:00 pm
living in zion
sarah,
Grandma died 25 years ago. If she was alive, trust me she would jump at your invite to guest blog. Bless her heart, she had all the answers.
December 21, 2009 at 8:39 pm
bfwebster
I grew up playing hearts. I was #5 out of six kids, and my little sister was too young to play, so I played with all my older siblings (4, 5, 6 and 7 years older than me). We were all pretty cut-throat about it; some of my fondest memories of time spent with my siblings were our hearts marathons, particularly when my older brother Chip and I would gang up on one of our sisters (usually Lorraine). Of course, Chip would turn on me in a second, so it’s not as though this was a boys vs. girls thing.
And, yes, we often played with 5 or (more often) 6 people.
I still play hearts regularly on my computer (me vs. the computer). I’ve been trying out a simple (and very conservative) strategy that seems to work well against the computer; I’m not sure how it would work against the living. ..bruce..
December 21, 2009 at 8:46 pm
dontdodumbthings.com
I’ve always been intimidated by learning card games for some reason. But being snowed in is my favorite thing in the world. Wish I lived back East right now.
December 22, 2009 at 12:52 am
Manfriend
Kahalia: Some call me the gangsta of love. In fact, the g is for gangsta.
December 22, 2009 at 2:10 am
Carole
My mother was raised in a face-card family and my father in a no-face-card family. As I understand it, they compromised with us by never actually telling us we couldn’t have face cards at home, but if my dad ever found them lying around, they would just mysteriously disappear.
Apparently, there are some statements against face cards by Bruce R McConkie and Joseph F Smith, but my peronal policy on Bruce R McConkie, Joseph F Smith, and Brigham Young is to take their quotes with a grain of salt unless the same doctrine is either explicitly taught in the Standard Works or has been repeated by church leaders during my lifetime.
PS In Sunday School yesterday, the teacher said that Talmage’s Jesus the Christ was one of the Standard Works of the Church. I think he was wrong.
December 22, 2009 at 8:12 am
living in zion
Manfriend,
Just clicked on your link. HA! HA! Great song, true rock classic and you just took it to a new level. You Are Awesome.
March 28, 2010 at 11:23 pm
Jed and Sarah, Plain and Tall « {Beta…}
[…] the right moment. In the mean time, I kept slipping. Did any of you catch that? I’d write a post about Manfriend, but then half way through I’d say, “Jed bing bong bing,” without realizing […]