Sarah
Ostensibly we left to beat the traffic that clogs up the DC-to-New York artery during Thanksgiving week much like Thanksgiving dinner may clog up our internal byways.
Mm. Stuffing.
But I think really we were just ready to start giving thanks on site. So Manfriend and I cut out early and left DC at least two full days before we told my family we were planning to. That’s right—yesterday evening, I walked in the door, pulling Manfriend behind me, and surprised my family.
The scene: Sunday evening, 10 pm, a split-level Long Island home. I open the door. Manfriend follows behind. We wave to my father, who is sitting on the couch in the half-lit livingroom, on a call for his church assignment. He smiles and waves (we told him we were coming—more on that below). We walk through the dining room into the den, where the action clearly is. Mom is on the computer. She hears us, turns around, opens her mouth in delighted mock surprise and says, “Well, hello, Sarah! And [Manfriend]!” (Clearly she knew too. Dad was charged with telling her. Also more on that below.) But the two girls (aged 16 and 14), watching Bleak House, who’ve turned at Mom’s greeting, look at us and jump up simultaneously. “Sarah!” they yell. And they run to me and we hug in a threesome and I kiss their faces and laugh. Mom is hugging Manfriend behind me. The girls are grinning.
Surprising family is so great.
So here’s the thing—I believe in the surprise of an early arrival. I think of it as free fun. It’s free because the cost—the money you pay for transportation, the time away from work, car snacks, etc.—are going to be accrued even if you don’t lie about when you’re going to arrive. Those are sunk costs. But the coming early! The delight! The unannouncement! That’s free. And it never stops being fun. At least, it hasn’t yet.
That being said, we all know how surprises can go wrong. For instance,
1. The parties we’re surprising are busy, and our surprise—meant to delight and love—is a burden to them. That’s a bust. This is why I almost never lie about whether or not I’m visiting; I almost always only lie about when I’m going to arrive. And when I do that, I always tell someone I’m coming early, so they can take the pulse of the family and perform triage work, if necessary. Keep the family from doing things like, I don’t know, coming down to surprise me, all gift of the magi-like.
2a. The surprisee hates surprises. I’m not sure how many people are actually in this category, but I’ve met at least one who is an avowed surprise hater. In fact, her long distance best friend showed up one weekend and my friend feels distaste for that weekend to this day, just because it was a surprise. (I personally think that it’s really because the visit had problem #1, but I’m willing to believe my wise, good, thoughtful friend that there are some people who would rather just not be surprised.)
2b. Or, as in the case of my cute father, the surprisee just likes to be in the know. My father told me after my last early arrival that while he likes surprises, he loves knowing when I’ll be coming home. “So I can have it to look forward to,” he said. So this time, I called him before we left DC. Next time I’ll give him more than five hours of looking forward to.
3. The surprisee is not ready for the surprise. Either they’re not dressed properly for it (like the classmate I had whose boyfriend wrapped himself in a big box and put himself under her Christmas tree for her to open him on Christmas morning so he could propose to her—which would have been fine, she said, except she came down to open her presents without having brushed her teeth or her hair or taken out her retainer; she said yes anyway). Or they haven’t finished scraping paint off the floors after they’ve finished repainting, say, the bathroom. (Sorry, family.) But again—I really think this is a problem that can largely be solved or avoided by the forewarning of solution in #1. Largely. The rest is get-overable.
That’s it. That’s my story. Coming early—surprising people—it can be so great. So say I, from where I sit on a couch in my parents’ house, working from my familial home and watching Manfriend doze next to me.
It’s already an awesome Thanksgiving. No surprise there.
The Apron Stage 
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November 23, 2009 at 9:58 am
lisapiorczynski
I’m not going to lie. When I woke up and saw that you hadn’t written yet, I was hoping for a “Confessions” type post. I probably shouldn’t say that out loud. But I’m still hoping for it.
November 23, 2009 at 10:39 am
Amanda
I love surprising other people, but always feel awkward when people surprise me. Who woulda thought?
November 23, 2009 at 10:47 am
Sharon
Hear, hear. One of my favorite memories is the delighted shock on my best friend’s face when I showed up on her California porch from Chicago a couple Decembers ago. We knew we would see each other in transit in Utah when we went home for the holidays (her family is in Utah, mine in Idaho, we both go through SLC), but a surprise a few days earlier was the pièce de résistance.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving!
November 23, 2009 at 10:56 am
corktree
Surprises are awesome!
This makes me think of the only kind of “surprise” I could give my family when I returned home for Christmas break of my freshman year at BYU (also my one and ONLY year at BYU). I knew I would be bringing a friend’s wedding dress home for her on my flight, so I did a little prep work by mentioning a fictitious boyfriend in conversations with my fam. I even bought a convincing cubic zirconia to wear off the plane. I was so excited to pull off a successful surprise, even if it was a good deal less than true. (I guess those are called pranks, but I never considered myself a prankster)
I feel bad to this day when I think of the white-washed panic in my mother’s face for the moments before I let her in on the joke. We laugh now, but wow …horrible daughter?
November 23, 2009 at 11:21 am
Louise Plummer
Surprise or not, I like it that you and Manfriend are snuggled in for the week. Happy Thanksgiving!
November 23, 2009 at 11:27 am
Mr. Surprise
Speaking of surprises that are really pranks related to engagement, corktree, I’m reminded of the classic viral video of one guy putting a fake marriage proposal up on the Jumbotron at Yankee Stadium while his buddy and long-time-girlfriend are sitting in the stands (it doesn’t end well, and there might even be brief profanity-spoken-in-anger at the end, so I won’t link here). Ok, so that’s really just a prank rather than a surprise – but the element of surprise is essential in pranks.
In a more surprising (e.g. non-pranking) vein, I had an all-but-engaged roommate who decided to fly up to Seattle to propose. He had his friends take his girlfriend to a park to meet up with other people, and then asked her to wait there for a bit in case the others showed up while they looked at another spot. Then my roommate folded down his newspaper and looked up at her from the park bench where he had been sitting the whole time. He knelt down and proposed before the initial shock of his presence had even worn off – the old one-two punch!
My brother-in-law did his proposal surprise in a much more understated manner: They had been ring-shopping together, then went back to seal the deal, and the guy at the store said it wouldn’t be ready until Wednesday. Bro-in-law had talked to him in advance, however, telling him to lie about it not being available until Wednesday so he could go pick it up on Monday when it was actually ready. My sister bought it so completely (who wouldn’t, when an independent third-party gives you reliable information?) that she didn’t realize what was going on until after they were up on the mountainside at the spot of their first date and he was already almost all the way through his what-I-love-about-you speech on the verge of kneeling down.
November 23, 2009 at 11:30 am
smylies
Amen Louise. I’ve long wanted to arrange a surprise of this nature. You’ve re-committed me.
I love surprises. I have to content myself though–as Levi loves telling me he has a surprise for me.
November 23, 2009 at 11:46 am
David
That reminds me, I once miserably messed up an early surprise and so I agree that you should definitely let someone know you are coming home early.
The setting was that my wife and I were still sappy newlyweds. We were living in Metro DC and I had to travel out of town for the week, returning Friday evening. While I was gone my wife went up to Philadelphia to spend the week with her sister. She was sans car and so her sister was going to drive her down to DC Saturday morning. Well, I took an earlier flight home to DC and thought, “hmm, I should just drive up to Philadelphia tonight and surprise my wife.” You know where this is going. . . . Meanwhile Sister-in-law thinks it’s a good idea to drive down to DC on Friday night to surprise me with my beautiful wife. I spent the night alone in Philadelphia and my wife spent the night alone in DC. Lesson learned: One surprise is a good thing, two surprises, not so much.
November 23, 2009 at 11:54 am
Traci
This post reminded me of Frank Churchill in Emma, he says something about the pleasantness of arriving before the lookout begins.
I always wonder what happens when surprises go horribly wrong. Along the line of engagement surprises, a friend of mine filled – filled – his girlfriends dorm with balloons and then stood in the center with the ring. She opened the door and then had to find him. I can never help but think that was a terrible asphyxiation hazard, rather than thinking about the romance of the moment, I can only imagine the news later that night – “Man suffocates while proposing, bride extremely dissapointed.”
November 23, 2009 at 12:06 pm
a sister
No Way! I am surprised from afar. And I’m supposed to be there now if you guys are. It makes me ache with jealousy to think you are already home having fun and I still have two more days till I get there. I am counting the minutes.
November 23, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Kathryn
I am, legitimately, in category 2a. And after reading all of these stories, I have decided that I will quickly let any guy I date know about this (I’ll let it slip somewhere around date #2, just to be safe — this may also allow us to avoid that most awkward evening called “the surprise date”) because I cannot imagine anything worse than a surprise proposal. Nothing worse.
November 23, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Erin
My favorite surprise–(sorry, it’s a little long)
Father’s Day 2008
My husband and I were in Dallas for a summer law internship. During that summer I had been spending a lot of time at my home with my parents in south Texas because my dad was battling cancer. After a 3 week stay, I went back to Dallas where I was planning on staying for a couple of weeks before my next visit home. The weekend after I got back was Father’s Day weekend, and at the last minute (really, it was like Sunday morning) I called my mom (she works for an airline) and had her book me a flight down. We decided not to tell my dad as a surprise. My mom was working when my flight got in that afternoon, so I drove her car home from the airport. As I walked through the door, my dad’s face when he looked up from his recliner will I’m sure forever be imprinted in my mind. Surprise mingled with overwhelming happiness. I remember both of us being overcome with emotion in that moment. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking and reminiscing over old family albums. This memory is all the more poignant for me because it ended up being our last Father’s Day together as he passed a little more than 6 months later.
Thanks for the fun post, Sarah.
November 23, 2009 at 3:27 pm
living in zion
Thanks for your fresh perspective on surprises. While a child coming home early is nothing but good times, having parents surprise their newlywedded children is not the same.
I don’t recommend parents dropping by unannounced. Especially on the first weekend both husband and wife have off work since the wedding. Doubly important when the phone is off the hook and no one is answering e-mail. Trust me, that couple does not want any friendly surprises outside of their own making.
November 23, 2009 at 3:54 pm
sarahlolson
Team, I’m loving your comments. (And getting stuff done. And running with Manfriend before a lunch of homemade turkey soup and grilled cheese croutons, which we ate with my mother.) All these big surprise stories (Mr. Surprise’s engagement stories particularly) helped me realize why I like surprise early arrivals more than surprises in total: they’re small. I get to use them whenever I want–not just for big occasions. Hey, I’m here two hours early! Hey, I came in one night early! Hey, I showed up at your house just before you were about to leave to pick me up from the airport!
Small. Awesome.
This approach is closely related to another surprise one I love–the more than expected approach. A person is expecting one friend she loves–but a second one shows up as a surprise! This can be tricky (see problem #1), but that trickiness is often avoidable. And more love is such a delight. Such!
Anyone else dolin’/receivin’ surprises like that?
November 23, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Adriana
I once surprised my mother for Mother’s Day. I called my aunt and arranged for her to pick me up from the airport (I had a 5:30 am flight) and she drove me to my mom’s school. My mother’s reaction was priceless! Tears, screams of joy and a lot of hugs. And my aunt was able to get it all on camera! That has been the best Mother’s Day ever!
November 23, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Tiffany Gee Lewis
Oh, I love surprise arrivals! It’s a family favorite.
Best surprise arrival: Christmas five years ago. We were living in Miami. Mom called from Texas on Christmas morning in tears. “I just wish you all could be here,” she said. I was at the door, with suitcases in hand. “Me too, Mom,” I said.
That evening we arrived home and rang the door bell. Mom dropped to her knees in shock. I thought she had a heart attack. But thankfully, no, she is still alive, and still loves to recount that Christmas surprise.
November 23, 2009 at 6:55 pm
rvs
Many years ago my Dad had a trip to the Salt Lake/Provo area. It so happens that nearly all of my mom’s family lives in said area. It was decided that my sister and I (both in elementary school) would join him, but surprise them. We got on the plane and, upon arrival in Utah, went to the toy store two of my aunts owned. After first surprising them, we were given a box. Upon arrival at the grandparents, Dad came in (a bit earlier than expected) and Younger Sister and I got into the box and we were behind a chair. My dad told Grandparents to look behind the chair, he had a present. And then we jumped out! And they were so happy. We were all happy.
Also, I agree with Lisa. And excellent post, Sarah.
November 24, 2009 at 9:27 am
Aunty M
I like informed surprises. As long as I’m not the surprise-ee. And I’m not worried about catching someone in situation 2a or 3. And no one is looking uncomfortable. Actually, maybe I don’t like surprises. I mostly just like to READ about surprises. Well done, all you successful surprisers!
Fortunately for me, my husband Rick knows about my surprise-angst. He has faithfully promised that he will inform me about any possibly-unsettling surprise celebration that is planned on my behalf. When I turned 40, Rick found out about a black-balloon party planned for me, and told me about it in advance, knowing that I’d likely burst into tears (surprise!) at the party if he didn’t. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
But there is one surprise that cheers me up for at least a year when it happens. This generally occurs when I’m out of town and Rick is still at home. Since I’m highly disorganized, an unintentional slob, often there is an area of the house that calls out to him to be sparkled up as a surprise for me. Like an overflowing pantry, or a carbon-layered laundry room. He takes it apart down to the bones, cleans it floor to ceiling, reorganizes the things that need to stay there, and takes away those that don’t. Then he gleefully waits for me to come home and be struck dumb with joy when I happen onto the improved space. This would not be so delightful if there were even a particle of “see-I-had-to-do-it-myself-because-you-never-do” in the offering. But there never is. Just mutual delight. I love that man.
November 24, 2009 at 11:00 am
Jenna
Oh yes! The joy of surprises! The year my sister turned 18, I was in my sophomore year of college. I had told her that, sadly, there was no way I was going to be able to come home for her birthday. What she didn’t know was that I was actually talking with her while I was on the road. Headed home. I told her to call me when it was time for cake so I could at least join in on singing “Happy Birthday”. Mom, Dad, and the youngest sister were all in on the plan, so I let them know when I was pulling in the driveway. With me on the phone in the basement, we all started singing, and her face when she saw me walk up the stairs singing on the phone was priceless!! She looked like she was seeing a ghost or something! The terror quickly turned to joy, and to this day she claims that that was her best birthday ever!
November 25, 2009 at 1:50 am
jackiwalker
Was that classmate’s name Lindsey?