What I said today:

  • I hate the dog.  I want to give her away.  You don’t take her out enough; she’s YOUR dog.  I would never get a dog.  See, there’s a little poop on the stairs.  See?
  • I want to live in an assisted-living center where they’ll feed me. I don’t want to cook.  I wasn’t meant to cook.   All I need is a bed and a desk and a chair and someone to feed me.
  • We’re going to die.
  • We are the most fiscally inept couple I know.  Why didn’t we save?
  • Let’s move to a third world country.
  • Why is it so gray today?  Gray is my least favorite color.
  • I made you some eggs and English muffins.  Here’s orange juice.  Okay, we’ve had protein, carbs and vitamin c and d.  Another day without rickets.
  • See these shoes.  I want these shoes.  Oh, they’re Ferragamos.  Why do I always pick out the most expensive items?
  • Do something, you lazy bag of loose skin.

What Tom said today:

  • Would you like a hot bath?
  • Here, hot chocolate.
  • I’d like to stay in Vienna next year.
  • I’m not worried.
  • You can buy anything in this world with money.
  • Kiss me.  Come on, kiss me.  I said, kiss me.
  • Why don’t you read the scripture you taped to your computer?


“Neither fear ye their fear, nor be afraid. Sanctify the Lord of Hosts himself, and let Him be your fear, and let him be your dread. And He shall be for a sanctuary.”

Anything horrid come out of your mouth today?