Erica, my daughter in law, had a picture of Audrey Hepburn on a bike with a Yorkshire Terrier in the basket on her blog. Erica is into bikes, the old fashioned kind that you can ride wearing normal clothes, skirts even. I have a Yorkshire Terrier named Alice and decided to have my picture taken too. I thought of posting it along side Audrey Hepburn, but it seemed self destructive. I love my bike, because it has five gears and I can brake with my feet, which is how I learned to stop a bike. Hand brakes confuse me.

I feel perfectly safe riding the bike paths in my neighborhood, but do not feel at all safe riding in the street. People in cars don’t like bikers. They want to kill them. I know this because I have wanted to run over several bikers myself, especially those guys wearing their latex and their camel packs, who think they are cars. “Look at me, I’m Mr. Speedy Biker Man, fast as a car, and saving the evironment.” Whooooosh, my Avalon flattened that bad boy.

So I ride the paths and feel safe. I am a little old lady after all. People are happy to see seniors active. It gives them hope for a long and fruitful, sexually active life.

Don’t be a sucker.

I just had my picture taken. I haven’t ridden the bike once this summer and I hate the dog. She’s a yappy, peeeing, sucking dog and wants all of your attention all of the time.

I think I’ve had sex at least once this year, and its only August.

Do you like my brown t-shirt? I bought it for four bucks at the DI.

It’s a nice picture even though the photographer is lashing himself for leaving out the feet. He’s begged me to let him retake it, but no no no. I like to see a photographer in pain. It’s as good as running him down with the Avalon.

Just a little summertime dark humor.