n1258266220_30061749_289GUEST BLOGGER: Missy Babcock
Missy Babcock drinks three 2-liter Diet Coke bottles per day. Consequently, she has more energy than her five children combined.

My mother in law has come and gone, with her usual flourish. She’s a gem of a lady, leaving everything in her path more beautiful and fully polished. That includes me, the kids (OK, just my daughter) and my house.

She had spruced herself up quite a bit before coming here. She’s had a couple touch ups. Like a tummy tuck. And something done to tighten her chin. She looks great and seems to feel great about her self. I’m all for it. Nothing was done with taxpayer money and for heaven’s sake, she is in her sixties. She can do what she wants and doesn’t have to answer to much.

Part of recovery from these indulgences include wearing these tight neoprene things. A girdle for her midsection and one that reminds me of head gear, for the chin. The tummy one isn’t obvious, despite the fact that she wears it 24/7. The head gear contraption is pretty funny. But no one sees it because she wears it to sleep. But one night, I saw it. And a bit more than I planned on.

I got up around 2-ish to use the restroom. I was dead tired and actually tripped on the stack of decorator pillows that occasionally grace my bed, but mostly my floor. My biff was done in silence. The pillows muffled my fall and subsequent yelp. I tumbled out into the hall and the bathroom light was on with the door cracked. In the split second before I pushed the door open farther, I considered one of the kids must have gotten up to tinkle. We only have one bathroom upstairs, so this isn’t bizarre. But my seeing my mother in law sitting on the potty, pink pj’s around the ankles, head gear on…that was bizarre.

I didn’t have a pillow to muffle my second yelp, but my sweet, exposed MIL yelped so loud, my sounds were lost in hers. I was out of the bathroom and hiding back in my room in no time flat. Despite the urge to pee my pants from shock/laughter/the diet coke I had late at night, I held it until I heard her footsteps return to the room she was staying in.

We never mentioned it. And I certainly never will. But there is just one thing that I can’t get out of my mind.

She pees with perfect posture. No slouching. No elbows on the knees. Like, she could have held a book on her head while letting the river run.

That’s just weird. But the head gear was cute. Sort of.