Dear man on stoop three doors down, You’ve been standing there, with your earphones in, rapping as loud as you can, for almost an hour now. Frankly, it’s disgusting.

Dear construction workers, Thank you so much for gutting the building two doors down. I am sure it will look very nice when you are done. It must be hard for you to get up so early in the morning so that when you dump bricks into a large metal trash receptacle it is six am. Sorry about the woman who yelled at you yesterday.

Dear man across the street getting yelled at by woman, I think she makes some excellent points and you should have been home earlier.

Dear man in Escalade parked in the middle of the road, I don’t know why your music has to be so loud that can we actually see it, but do appreciate your willingness to occasionally drive around the block.

Dear teenage girls on stoop, They won’t like you any less if you squeal less.

Dear taxi drivers, You didn’t get to the end of the corner any faster yesterday when you laid on your horn for a solid minute. Nor did you the day before that, or the day before that. It will also not speed things along today. The Escalade will not be bothered by your horn.

Dear teenage girls still out at three in the morning, Those are not nice things to yell at each other.

Dear person in apartment across the street,  Really? Really? Music so loud we can hear it two streets away, all day long? Really?

Dear man sitting on the chair in the middle of the sidewalk playing Sudoko, You were there when I went to get bleach. And there two hours later when I went to get milk. I love you.

Dear Goat Man, groaning across the courtyard every fifteen seconds, Are you okay?

Dear child of mine, How come you can sleep through all of this, but if a floorboard in the apartment creaks it’s over?