Sarah

I don’t think most women want to marry Average Joe.  But I think a lot of women (or just the women I know?) daydream about marrying someone who knows Average Joe.  And likes Average Joe.  And, perhaps most importantly, whom Average Joe likes back.

This realization hit me this weekend when I was contemplating the as-of-yet unmaterialized future companion of a rockstar friend of mine.  She’s a bona fide genius, so I don’t think she could marry Average Joe himself.  But the kind of guy that Average Joe sees and says, “Hey, man.  Wanna grab a beer?”  She could marry him—Above-Average Jake, if you will—and be totally, thoroughly delighted about it.

Rockstar Friend later called C, a trusted male, to help us think Above-Average Jake through.  At first, C was reluctant to help.  “There you go now, making me think,” he said.  But then he kicked it off: “First off he’s got to be pretty easy-going. And unpretentious. And totally non-threatening. No one really wants to sit down for a beer with some snobby guy who’s just going to talk your ear off about how great he is. Like, he probably can’t be a Stanford student. Yeah, no Stanford men unless they’re mute. But maybe he could be from the University of Texas. Yeah, he’s a longhorn kind of guy.”

C kept going.  “He’s the same guy you could watch football with or take on a little surfing trip. It’s his loyalty and support that stand out. He’s the one that when a wave is coming he says, Go for it man. He’s self-effacing and supportive and totally accepting of others.”

By now, C was getting excited.  “He’s the type of guy you want to take with you to a party. A wingman, yeah. Everyone man wants a wingman at a party. He’s the guy who’s always got your back. He’ll engage you in lots of mindless banter while finding ways to introduce you to a cute girl. And then once you’re talking to the girl, he’ll just melt into the background. And while you’re talking with the girl, he’s looking for even more cute girls for you.”  Clearly, Rockstar Friend wasn’t the only one daydreaming about a life involving Above-Average Jake.

Rockstar Friend jumped in, concerned C was losing focus.  “Too bad he’s not talking to the girls himself,” she said.  “Sounds like the girls might think Above-Average Jake is pretty cool too.”  C considered.

Then, Rockstar Friend decided to chance it and ask the moment’s big question: “C, do we know any Above-Average Jakes?”

“Oh sure,” C replied, then named off three men.  All totally great.  And all totally married.

Which, of course, we should have seen coming.  Above-Average Jakes marry Above-Above-Average Janes.  Whom, to be fair, we women would probably want to have a beer with, too.  Isn’t that always the way?

(Okay, maybe not a beer.  But definitely a salad.)

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