Levi was out of town this weekend, so Friday night found me all alone on the couch indulging a dangerous and addicting urge: blog surfing.

And then I accidentally happened onto a blog belonging to an ex-boyfriend’s wife. After looking over my shoulder to make sure that no one in the empty room was watching me, I read and read. If that’s not bad enough, once I’d had my fill, I decided to see if any of my other formers had wives who kept blogs. Who does these things? Who admits these things?

My first major observation was that all three women are a lot prettier than me.  (Though a good friend—because of course I emailed the links to my old roommates—kindly said that Mrs. X looked like a poor man’s version of myself. This, rest assured, is what good friends are for.)

A couple of other things:

  • Boyfriend 4.0 married a woman that he repeatedly describes as “fine” and “hot.” He was not saying these things ironically.
  • Boyfriend 3.0’s wife will have a baby in exactly 67 days and has the same haircut I had in college.
  • Boyfriend 2.0 married a woman who does not know the difference between ‘their’ and ‘there.’ I say this at the risk of being the kind of person who notices these things… in the same post where she ends a sentence with a preposition.
  • Boyfriend 3.0’s wife had a quote in her sidebar from Rush Limbaugh.
  • Our baby started walking three months earlier…

In other words, it all worked out.

This morning, it all caught up to me when I sat down to update the Smylie family blog and didn’t dare write a thing for fear of who might be reading. I spent an hour reading through a bunch of my back posts to see whether or not I am cool. I was furious with myself for ever posting this picture.

Suddenly hyper-aware of the people who might be reading, I wanted to post some apologies, some clarifications, some explanations, and of course, some really fantastic pictures with my head photo-shopped onto Jennifer Garner’s body.