I want to know why the people who write advice columns on how to cut spending are the kind of people who can afford gym memberships in the first place. Cancel unused club memberships. How much are these writers who buy themselves lunch every day getting paid? Brown bag your lunch. Really? A latte every morning? Give up your daily Starbucks run, five dollars a day can make a big difference! And if a lot of the major media outlets are based right here in New York, how come none of the spend-wiselies actually live here? Rent out unused space in your home.


Searching the internet for budgeting advice wasn’t helpful. I already prepare meals at home. The tip to consider shopping at budget stores like “Target or Walmart” means nothing to someone who thinks full price at the Gap is extravagant. In fact, my search for practical advice produced that same empty feeling I got the other day when an Upper East Side mom at the playground told me she lost her weight the “easiest way! We just stopped going out to dinner every night…”


I remain ten pounds overweight.


I was looking for advice in the first place because last week another friend lost his job, and I wanted someone to tell me that if things got worse, we could change our spending habits and be okay. Tear Kleenex in half. I wanted advice from those who really knew how to pinch. Sew clothes out of your curtains. Those who knew how to cut spending: big-time. Move in with your parents. Those who see clearly. Why on earth are you still living in New York City?


At least the advice is coming from the middle somethings and not the upper somethings.  Can you even imagine?  Take your cardboard sign and tin can and go to Washington. (PS  you’ll get there faster if you use your private jet.)