Lisa
Back when I was in undergrad, I had a cure-all solution for the blues: I’d drive to Wendy’s with a girlfriend, order a frosty and pretend that frosty was an Academy Award. In the car, we’d improvise speeches. We’d make our voices catch right after we mentioned our parents. We’d say how we never expected this to ever happen to us. We’d giggle and gush and go through every cliché in the book. By the time we got home, we’d always feel better.
Writing a final post for The Apron Stage makes me crave a frosty. For the last year and a half, this little corner of the internet has been my clean, well-lighted place*. And we always need more of those in our lives, don’t we?
I never considered myself much of a writer before Rebecca roped me into being Tuesday’s child. I blame my childhood: When I was five, my older sister and cousin found my first attempt at poetry entitled “Oh! Oh! It’s Spring!” and (rightfully) mocked me. They might have also discovered my acrostic “Fish” which began with the line “Floating when dead” and laughed as they rolled on the floor. Cheryl and Lee, how could you squelch such buds of brilliance? How?!
A redemptive moment found its way into my weekend when I attended a friend’s bridal shower in New York. I hadn’t seen many of the attendees since I left for Phoenix. Their first question was the same: What are you writing right now? Those words did good things for my little soul.
I’ve always wanted to hold an Academy Awards party for my friends. Not the kind where you guess which movie will win Best Picture—my Wendy’s kind. Everyone could dress up in their fanciest and I could give frosties all around.** I’d announce each winner. We’d all jump up and down and clap as the winner would walk to the podium to receive their frosty.
Last week someone asked how we could have a virtual good-bye party. Well, I vote you all write your acceptance speeches in the comment section below. (And, if you really want to get into it, post a link to what you’re wearing to our virtual party.) Because you just won a virtual frosty for being fabulous. Congratulations.
*I think Hemmingway wrote a short story with this title. But I’ve never read it. I hope it’s not about dead puppies or anything.
**Imagine a slightly less dysfunctional version of the Dundies.





26 comments
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May 25, 2010 at 4:44 am
MC
I love your writing, and your frosty academy award acceptance speech idea. I have to say though, I’d much rather praise you than write random, great things about myself. For me anyway, reading the Apron Stage has been all about you, and Rebecca and Louise and Sarah. You’re such a great writer Lisa, and such a great person besides. “Floating when dead”? That shows genius in the making. “acrostic”? I had to look it up on the OED. I will greatly miss reading your beautiful, sincere, and very often hilarious posts. Thanks to all the other writers, Rebecca, Louise, Sarah, Tagg, your mom etc. for making this possible. (sob, sob, **slurp on the old frostee***)
And I’m first!
May 25, 2010 at 6:37 am
smylies
I’d like to thank myself for thinking, “if Lisa wrote on a blog with me a lot of people would want to read it.” I love it when I’m right.
May 25, 2010 at 7:21 am
Living in zion
I have the recipe for making a Wendy’s frosty. If you follow the directions, you will have a chocolate milkshake that screams “Wendy’s”. Good stuff.
I will share it because I am that kind of generous friend and now you don’t have get out of your PJ’s to attend the Academy Awards.
1 1/2 -2 cups ICE water, as cold as possible. I use the water from my fridge door.
1 1/2 cups non-fat dry milk powder (excellent use of food storage)
2/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder*
2-3 cups ice cubes
2 Tbsp vegetable oil (needed for the creaminess)
Place All ingredients in the blender, including the oil. Use less water for a thicker milkshake or more for a shake that’s easier on the your blender motor. With lid on, process for two minutes. Makes about 4 shakes.
*For vanilla shake, omit cocoa and add 2-3 Tbsp Vanilla extract. Decrease water and ice cubes by a smidge. Might want to make the chocolate first to perfect technique.
I refuse to celebrate this. I am not happy. Understanding, yes. Happy, no.
May 25, 2010 at 8:18 am
Tagg
In the future, I will buy my wife more Frosties.
I’m just about to get on an airplane, so I can’t do quite what I’d like. If I had more time, here’s what I try: Give some awards for favorite posts and favorite comments. (And let’s be honest, how much less fun would his blog be wihout the comments?)
I’m sure there are posts and comments that deserve best musical, best editing, and there’s undoubtedly some drama that needs official recognition. And then in the MTV vein, someone surely deserves best villain, best fight, etc.
Shoot. Time to turn off the phone.
May 25, 2010 at 9:40 am
gamma
Intrigued with the title, I found Hemingway’s “A Clean Well-Lighted Place” and read it–it is a very short story. Now for my speech, which is not really what I want to do, but since Lisa has given so much to me, I can do this much for her: -ahem-
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Thanks to all my extremely extended family–I’m sorry you couldn’t all have ticket to be here, but you would have filled the entire Kodak Theater. Thank you, all five of my beloved children, my ideal son-in-law, and my miraculous grandsons. You were my inspiration in everything I did.
Mr. Gamma, you are so much a part of me that your name should be inscribed on this golden statuette, but certainly after mine. To thank you is to thank myself, but I will risk the inanity. I love you my darling.
A special thanks to the Apron Stage which has been “a clean well-lighted place” for me. Thanks to Lisa, who taught me the phrase and to Hemingway, who taught me what it meant. Thank you Lisa, Sarah, Rebecca, and Louise, for your brilliant poignant posts. I didn’t always agree, but I always had something to think about.
Thanks to all of my commenting friends. It is true that we need a place to keep commenting. If someone finds it, will you let me know?
I would thank all my fans, but my willing suspension of disbelief fails here.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
May 25, 2010 at 10:41 am
Traci
Oh my gosh! This is so unexpected! First I win Miss Fitness America earlier tonight and now this? I didn’t realize I’d be up here, Thank goodness my good friend Elton John dressed me for this occasion, some said making a Donald Duck suit sexy was impossible, well, I don’t think they know Elton, or my fantastic legs for that matter, and yes, they are real, and they are magnificent. Wow, I, wow, I’m just at a total loss for words – except, of course for this…
(right now a glass piano is lowered from the ceiling, which, with no previous training, I play beautifully)
Thanks for the memories….
of the things I can’t forget
Journeys on a jet
Trips with a young mama, to fabulous Guatemala,
And Vegas, but we’re mormon, so no roulette,
How lucky I waaasssss….
1! 2! 3! 4!
(now I strip of my sexy Donald Duck evening dress and reveal something a little more Vegas showgirl because we are about to break it down)
Don’t go breakin’ my heart
To hell with non disclosure anti blog argreements!
who else is going to give me thoughtful book lists
and also discuss leg hair removal treatments?
(Now gospel chorus pops up in the background)
DON”T GO BREAKIN MY – DON”T GO BREAKIN MY
Don’t go breakin my heea(fireworks)aaaa(up three octives)aarrrtttttt!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU APRON STAGE!
May 25, 2010 at 10:51 am
Traci
Too much? If anyone is in the Salt Lake area and wants to hang out with equally depressed Apron Stage widows, or widowers, on Thursday (or Friday, are you guys doing a guest post?) evening I’ll be at Liberty Park with brownies
ddmckay22@yahoo.com if you’re interested
May 25, 2010 at 11:34 am
nakiru
(First, can’t compete with Traci, so don’t bother reading if that’s what you were hoping for.)
Thanks to Louise, who reminds me that love is hilarious and awkward and snarky. Thanks to Tom for letting her remind us that romance is not a Disney movie.
Thanks to Rebecca, who reminds me that love truly believes, as the book of Ruth says, that “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.” Thanks to Levi for letting her remind us that love doesn’t always go quietly or meekly.
Thanks to Lisa, who reminds me that love’s journey to happily ever after is not straight or narrow. Thanks to Tagg for letting her tell us about why they didn’t work out, and then how they did. You helped me have the courage to take a second chance myself.
Thanks to Sarah, who reminds me simply of me. Whose posts (seriously) reminded me to not give up, to not change course and to grab life and love with both hands and hold on. Thanks to Jed/Manfriend for letting her introduce us to him, and for allowing us all into their joy.
Thanks to all of you for allowing me to pigeon-hole you the way I just did, when you are obviously all much more complex writers.
And, of course, thanks to all the other readers, for the community which we all helped create and maintain. I will miss you. All.
May 25, 2010 at 11:38 am
gamma
Traci, picture me there, trailing clouds of California, dunking my brownie in my Frosty. I will be there in spirit.
May 25, 2010 at 11:52 am
Living in zion
Traci,
You are a Hoot! Funniest acceptance speech I ever didn’t see.
May 25, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Blue
Oh I wish I lived in Salt Lake just to commiserate with those who meet at the park. Wear your parkas- I hear it snowed yesterday. Can we all just let out a great big sigh of sadness together? My weekdays just won’t be the same. I usually have to wait to read the blog until no one else is in the office so they don’t hear me laughing hysterically and know I am indeed not actually working at the computer. I will miss you all, I wish I was as truly poetic as traci and could write a comparable tribute,( I also wish I had perfect and real legs). Just know that you have given me a great start to my mornings… which I will greatly miss. I loved your experience, strength, and hope, and your humor. Oh, by the way, I have used your blogs as a starting point for many of my relief society lessons. Maybe you could get together and write a manual.
May 25, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Kristen
Thank you so much for this award for my excellence in procrastination. The first moving truck comes on Thursday (46 hours from now) and just to really earn my award, I’m distracting myself in my favorite way: Lisa!
Thanks for fun, thought provoking posts to Lisa and all the others.
I’d put up a link to a great duct tape prom dress I’d wear to my acceptance speech, but what else can a procrastinator say? I’ll do it tomorrow.
May 25, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Sharon
I nominate Traci for Best Comment. EVER.
May 25, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Lisa
Tagg: If there was ever any doubt before, I think Traci just won all the commenting awards.
Thanks to Sarah, Lisa, Rebecca, and Louise for reminding me every day how much I love good writing…and for unknowingly giving me the courage to try again when mine fails.
Thanks to all the commenters for good conversation, even though I didn’t often join in. I loved listening (reading?).
And Traci, do you have a blog I can follow? Or can I just be your friend in real life? Because you. crack. me. up.
May 25, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Lisa
Oh yes–and thank you Living in zion for the frosty recipe…I am happy about that…
May 25, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Tracy
I second Sharon. If only award shows could really be that exciting. Great idea Lisa!
May 25, 2010 at 6:07 pm
Wendy
Lisa, I remember doing this once or twice with you.
I want to thank you for this tradition. I must must must remember to do this with my kids when they are older! I miss your writing already.
May 25, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Traci
Lisa, Be my friend in real life! I also have a very neglected blog, but I definitely vote real life friend.
May 25, 2010 at 7:11 pm
AnnaBeth
Am I the only one who got excited at the prospect of dress shopping? Well, here’s what I’m wearing
http://www.simplydresses.com/popups/biggerimage.cfm?filename=/_img/PRODUCTS/500/PromGirl-497847555.jpg
My speech? Who could follow Traci? So I’ll just humbly say THANK YOU. Blow kisses all around and wave as I quietly walk away wiping a lone tear from my cheek.
May 25, 2010 at 8:00 pm
rvs
I’d like to thank the Apron Stage, for giving me food for thought, books to read, and stories to follow. Lisa, thank you for your humor, honesty, sincerity, and simply writing every week. I’d like to thank you for that. And to thank Rebecca, for coming up with the idea. And Sarah, and Louise, and your respective boyfriends, fiances, and husbands. You are all amazing.
Thank you.
May 25, 2010 at 9:35 pm
Sarah 6
Amen to everyone above!
Thank you Lisa AND Tagg for your fun courtship and posts! Great stuff!
Sad daayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
loved you guys
May 25, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Amers
What…what…what? My first ever comment is going to be my last chance to comment!!! This feels so wrong! I am assuming that you are moving on from the apron stage because you have another brilliant writing project that you are pursuing…n’est pas??? I can’t wait to read it!!!
LOVE YOU!!!
May 26, 2010 at 12:52 am
Liz
I always cry during these speeches.
*snotty sniffling noises into microphone*
Usually it’s because I’m overwhelmed with joy and gratitude for being awarded, but this time it it out of something different; my sobs come from sadness. I feel like I’m loosing four good friends, all different and yet so easy to relate to at the same time.
Thank you Lisa, Sarah, Rebecca and Louise!
Also, does everyone have Facebook? Maybe we could just start a group or fan page there to keep in touch.
May 26, 2010 at 2:16 am
Carole
Your idea for an Academy Award party is the best theme party idea I’ve ever heard of. I’m so going to do it.
For these virtual academy awards, I haven’t prepared a speech (this award is just so unexpected!), but I have picked out a dress:
http://oscars.movies.yahoo.com/photos/112-2010-red-carpet-arrivals/92#OmgPhoid=18
May 26, 2010 at 8:09 am
lisapiorczynski
Oh my goodness, these comments rock. And so do the dresses. I want to make a comment back to each of you, but you’ll have to wait just a little longer. (Sorry.) I just got home from the NYC apartment hunt and I’m packing like mad. Furniture is getting sold today. Boxes getting filled. I’ll be back later this evening for a final comment hello.
May 27, 2010 at 4:06 am
Bettie Tompkins
If only more people would hear this!